Thursday, January 7, 2010

Thoughts of a New Mommy on a Snow Day

Today was the first snow day of the year. This is just as exciting for a teacher as it is for the kids. I knew the night before we would be out. Last year this would have meant sleeping in and getting a little extra cleaning done or making some art. This year, however, was different. I have a new alarm clock this year. She doesn't know that it's a snow day. This is an alarm I have little control over the settings. Life has definitly changed.

I'm not going to cherry coat my thoughts. In the beginning I thought about it when people asked me how life was going now that we have a baby. I would have been lying though and I'm not good at that. My eyes cross and I break out in red spots when I try. Anyways, I digress. The last 5 1/2 months have been hard. Terribly hard. I have struggled with my new position that God has blessed me with. I have struggled to try and remain sane when I am so tired that I could fall asleep bouncing her. I have struggled to balance home and work. I am learning a lesson in selflessness. Which I really needed. I have felt guilt that aches at my soul so much I want to throw up for thoughts that want to creep into my head. Don't worry none of them have been life threating. But enough about what I know seems like a whiney, pessimistic, hormonal, crazy person talking. Here's the wonderful blessings that have accompanied all this.

Tonight I rocked my baby and held her tight for a lot longer than I really had too. Because I think she is the 2nd greatest blessing God has ever given me. Josh being the first. She is a blessing for so many reasons. Here are a few.

I am not a patient person. I have to be now and it's not so bad.
I am selfish. Can't be that either. I can try, but the consquences are not so good.
I thought I could handle everything on my on. I am weak and that is okay.
I took my husband for granted. The brief moments we get to spend together now are so wonderful and I see him so differently. He is great and I am undeserving of his kindness.
My job is not my whole life. Though I am thankful for it.
Life goes by fast. I held a newborn last night and already couldn't remember Ruby being that small. I need to slow down or I'll miss the important things. A super clean, could be featured on the cover of Better Homes and Gardens, house is really not that important.
I need God. I need His guidance every second and for His unwavering love I am thankful. I am also thankful for His forgiveness and His presence in my life.

So this whole Mommy thing, very hard, but I like the person it is molding me into. I would not trade it for the world. God knew I needed this position. He knew I would fail sometimes, but He also knew that it would make me a much better person. Even if sometimes it feels like a punch in the face, a wake up call. A really sweet wake up call that doesn't matter if it's a snow day.


  1. I love it Lindsay. . . God is so good. Thanks for sharing me.

  2. Being a mommy is very hard, but very rewarding at the same time. It will get easier and harder as she gets older and more independent. In some ways you are so happy, and others you wish you could just rock and squeeze her all the time again. I teared up as I read your post. So true...God bless you and your sweet Ruby.

  3. Oh my goodness Lindsay. . . mom sent me this post to read and it's like reading my own thoughts! I'm crying at my computer! Love it!