Today was the first snow day of the year. This is just as exciting for a teacher as it is for the kids. I knew the night before we would be out. Last year this would have meant sleeping in and getting a little extra cleaning done or making some art. This year, however, was different. I have a new alarm clock this year. She doesn't know that it's a snow day. This is an alarm I have little control over the settings. Life has definitly changed.
I'm not going to cherry coat my thoughts. In the beginning I thought about it when people asked me how life was going now that we have a baby. I would have been lying though and I'm not good at that. My eyes cross and I break out in red spots when I try. Anyways, I digress. The last 5 1/2 months have been hard. Terribly hard. I have struggled with my new position that God has blessed me with. I have struggled to try and remain sane when I am so tired that I could fall asleep bouncing her. I have struggled to balance home and work. I am learning a lesson in selflessness. Which I really needed. I have felt guilt that aches at my soul so much I want to throw up for thoughts that want to creep into my head. Don't worry none of them have been life threating. But enough about what I know seems like a whiney, pessimistic, hormonal, crazy person talking. Here's the wonderful blessings that have accompanied all this.
Tonight I rocked my baby and held her tight for a lot longer than I really had too. Because I think she is the 2nd greatest blessing God has ever given me. Josh being the first. She is a blessing for so many reasons. Here are a few.
I am not a patient person. I have to be now and it's not so bad.
I am selfish. Can't be that either. I can try, but the consquences are not so good.
I thought I could handle everything on my on. I am weak and that is okay.
I took my husband for granted. The brief moments we get to spend together now are so wonderful and I see him so differently. He is great and I am undeserving of his kindness.
My job is not my whole life. Though I am thankful for it.
Life goes by fast. I held a newborn last night and already couldn't remember Ruby being that small. I need to slow down or I'll miss the important things. A super clean, could be featured on the cover of Better Homes and Gardens, house is really not that important.
I need God. I need His guidance every second and for His unwavering love I am thankful. I am also thankful for His forgiveness and His presence in my life.
So this whole Mommy thing, very hard, but I like the person it is molding me into. I would not trade it for the world. God knew I needed this position. He knew I would fail sometimes, but He also knew that it would make me a much better person. Even if sometimes it feels like a punch in the face, a wake up call. A really sweet wake up call that doesn't matter if it's a snow day.
5 years ago